下面是范文網小編整理的英語笑話。2篇(一段英語笑話)，供大家閱讀。
英語笑話。1
搞笑的英語小笑話 1：Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂貴的代價 牙科醫(yī)生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀? 牙科醫(yī)生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了 搞笑的英語小笑話 2：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒有睡著 當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會 坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!” “我沒有睡著?！蹦莻€男人回答。
“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已?！?搞笑的英語小笑話 3：The poor husband "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可憐的丈夫 “你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己 回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。” Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 誰更有禮貌? 一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為 他更有風度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
搞笑的英語小笑話 4：Let Dog in Hotel A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too." 一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能 允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?” 旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從 沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館， 如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。
搞笑的英語小笑話 5：Intelligent son One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope. After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?" "Certainly" "You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?" "I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope." "Then why you didn't take it back?" "I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!" 聰明的兒子 有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來后,父親問他:“你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?” “我當然看見信封上什么也沒寫”“那你為什么不拿回來呢?” “我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!” 搞笑的英語小笑話 6：Put your feet in The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!" 把腳放進去 一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了?！艾旣?”老師 嚴厲地叫她?！笆裁词拢蠋?”這女學生問?！鞍芽谙闾菑淖炖锬贸鰜?，把腳放進去?！?搞笑的英語小笑話 7：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我沒有睡著 當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會 坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!” “我沒有睡著?！蹦莻€男人回答。
“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已?！?搞笑的英語小笑話 8：The poor husband "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可憐的丈夫 “你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己 回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的?！?搞笑的英語小笑話 9：Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪兒? 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!” “是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?” 哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄?！?搞笑的英語小笑話 10：Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?" 狗也知道這個諺語嗎? 一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人?！?“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
英語笑話。2
?英語幽默小笑話六篇?frog 青蛙Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 老師正在給學生上生物課：“現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。”接著，他把手 伸進口袋， 卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。
老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼， 沉思了一會兒， 說道： “真 奇怪。我明明記得我已經把午飯吃掉了。”人們什么時候說話最少？Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom? 老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復數(shù)形式是什么? Tom: Men. 湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? 老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數(shù)形式呢? Tom : Twins. 湯姆: 雙胞胎。誰欠誰錢A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation. 律師的狗，沒有拴而到處閑逛，它來到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來到律師的辦公 室， 問道 “如果一條沒栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉， 我有權利從狗的主人那里要回損失嗎？ 律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50 美元，你的狗沒栓而且今天從我的店里頭了塊 肉”，律師什么都沒說，馬上給他寫了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來自 律師的信，信上寫 道：咨詢費 250 美元。I Have His Ear in My PocketI Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。
“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢?！盙ive up your seat to a lady 給女士讓座Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "You've done the right thing," says Mommy. "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap." 小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士?！?媽媽說：“你做得很對呀?！?“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的?！盬hat Was It She Wanted？A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon． ” Horrified， the manager came runningover to the customer and said， “Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside： “Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk． 一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說： “不， 夫人， 這會兒沒有， 一時半會兒看來也不會有。
” 經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經理把 店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就 到?，F(xiàn)在你說她要買什么？” “雨，”店員說。
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